The Puritans had some beliefs about marriage that really fly in the face of modern practices. I've heard more than one person tell me that the Puritans were trying their best to be "Christians", but just missed the mark a little bit. In our age of militant feminists, abusive men, and disobedient children, it is hard to believe that we have the arrogance to say that the Puritans were mistaken about their Biblical interpretation regarding how a family was to operate. If anything, most of history should be looking at modern America and saying, "If they had so many problems, why didn't they just look to the past to see what worked?" It doesn't seem very difficult, does it? But do the Puritans have anything to teach us about marriage? or were they juste a gath'ring of filly men whom did not know howe to fpel?
The Puritans affirmed that the husband must be the head of the household. When the apostle Paul says that the husband is head of the wife, even as Christ is head of the church, the Scriptures are not telling us that the husband ought to be the head of the wife, but that he is the head of the wife. The husband can lead through abdication, or he can lead with strength, but nothing changes the statement of fact that the husband is head of the wife. This leadership is because the earthly marriage is a picture of the heavenly marriage between Christ and His Church, in which Christ is the head of the Church. When a husband commits adultery, he is testifying that Christ is not faithful to His Church. When a husband deals harshly with his wife, he says to the world that Christ is harsh with his church. Even if a husband fails to get a glass of water for his wife, he testifies that Christ does not serve His Church. All of these statements are lies.
The husband's headship over his wife does not mean that he leads with tyrannical dictatorship. Headship is God's system of government for the family, not an evaluation of worth. Headship means that the husband is responsible for ensuring that all the essential matters of a Christian home are being looked after. These specific responsibilities include leading family worship (a long forgotten Christian practice -- what's happened?), ensuring that the Lord's Day sermon was understood by all members, cherishing and loving his wife with the love of Christ, and teaching his wife and children the specifics of the faith. Of course, these duties are just a few of the many responsibilities that the husband incurs as head of the family.
The Puritan wife was to be submissive to her husband, and yield to his demands. This sounds very strange to modern believers, as we are bombarded by the cult of feminism from every angle. Paul's words in Ephesians 5 and the pastoral letters sound more to us like the deranged ramblings of a misogynist than commands from one with apostolic authority. But such are the consequences of conforming to the patterns of this world. The wife's submission does not mean "worthlessness" or "stupidity", as the enemies of Puritanism are quick to rant. Her husband should be one who is able to lead with wisdom, holiness and strength, and therefore it would be very wise for the wife to follow such a man. He stands facing God, and she stands at his side, facing him. She is his helpmeet. At no point, however, should the wife follow the husband into sin or unbelief. She is charged by God with the responsibility to admonish her husband from the Scriptures if he fails to lead her lovingly.
We who are men are given a very serious Scriptural mandate to be responsible for the spiritual growth of our wives and children, and learn the faith that we are charged to teach. For example, in the Westminster Longer Catechism, it is stated that the fourth commandment is more earnestly directed towards the heads of families and those in positions of authority. Why? Because the Westminster Divines understood that men are responsible for the spiritual disciplines of the home. If the family is not observing the Lord's Day, the man is responsible to repent for his weak leadership, and return to obedience. The family is then to follow the husband into righteousness and truth.
Your local Christian bookstore offers millions of pages of advice regarding Christian marriage. Have any of these ramblings have been successful? We spend billions on conferences, psychiatrists, books and courses trying to fight divorce and unhappy marriages, when God has not only given us the Scriptures, but also has given great men and women of old to guide us. Why do we look to Promise Keepers and Iron Man seminars to teach us how to be husbands? Why not listen to God and the simple Scriptures? The answers are to be found within. You can be sure that Puritan men were not in Boston holding hands to learn how to love their wives.