The Puritan view of the family was a result of their accurate and high view of Scripture and the practical outworking of their covenant theology. Their views on man's relation to and responsibility before God guided their family lifestyle. Christian marriage itself was a covenant, a solemn contract mutually agreed to before God and the state. The children who resulted from this covenant union belonged to God, but their parents were fully responsible for their upbringing. The concept of covenant, and the resulting conclusion of stewardship, are essential to understanding the Puritan view of family.
Jonathan Edwards once said, "Every Christian family ought to be, as it were, a little church consecrated to Christ, and wholly influenced and governed by his rules." The Puritans saw the family (not the individual) as the most fundamental unit of society, the heart of the church, and a little congregation in itself. The father was the covenant head of the family, responsible for seeing that it was provided for both spiritually and physically. Though the wife played a fundamental shared role in leading the family, it was the husband who was the "pastor" and the one ultimately responsible for the others. Though the local church was a vital and necessary part of the family's spiritual nourishment, it was the husband and father, not the pastor, who was responsible for the family's religious instruction. The Puritans would not have been content to allow the Sunday school and weekly sermon to be the extent of the spiritual diet for themselves or their children.
When in accord with Scripture (Ephesians 5:22-6:4; Colossians 3:18-21), the authority of the husband and father was to be cheerfully submitted to by his wife and children. It was the husband who initiated and led family worship (typically practiced at least once, usually twice, each day) and made sure that the other members of the family had received and understood the essentials of their pastor's Lord's Day sermon. Catechizing children was another way of instructing them in righteousness. The question and answer format of the catechisms was conducive to easy memorization, but comprehension and obedience to the truths of Scripture contained in them were the chief goal, not merely the acquisition of knowledge to be parroted back to the one catechizing. Learning the Bible's teaching on God's holy and just character, creation, man's sinful condition, God's law, and God's grace in the redemptive work of Christ as the One who died in the stead of sinners, all helped prepare the minds and hearts of children for the longed-for day when God would turn their hearts to Him and convert them.
Because children had inherited a sinful nature from Adam and needed to learn the truths of God in order to better glorify Him, they also needed to be disciplined. If allowed to do simply as they pleased, they would eventually fall into even more serious sin. Obedience and respect were inculcated in and expected of Puritan children, being natural applications of the fifth commandment. Harsh and cruel punishments for disobedience were not recommended, but rather caution and gentleness were to be exercised in discipline, according to the nature and disposition of the child. However, the child had to understand that disobedience and rebellion were sins against God as well as parents, and should be avoided.
Interestingly, Leland Ryken, in Worldly Saints: the Puritans as They Really Were (pp. 82-84), notes that the Puritans were forerunners of modern child development theories in three areas. First was the importance of early training. John Cotton said, "These Babes are flexible and easily bowed; it is far more easy to train them up to good things now, than in their youth and riper years"; they were to be taught to read the Scriptures as soon as they were able. Secondly, deeds speak louder than words. Parents who are inconsistent with what they teach undermine their own authority; they should serve as models and examples to undergird the role of instructor. Third, a child's negative qualities should be an object of correction, but, conversely, their positive qualities should be encouraged.
The Puritan practice of family life, more than any other, led to the creation of lives that glorified God and contributed to society. Their goal was to train children up in the truth of Scripture, to honor God and to be a contributing member to society. Their practice stemmed from their obedience to God's Word, their covenant theology, and their emphasis on stewardship. For more information, see Edmund S. Morgan, The Puritan Family, as well as chapter five of Ryken's Worldly Saints and chapter sixteen in J.I. Packer's A Quest for Godliness.